HeatherA Writes Stuff

We took our annual trip to Pittsburgh over this past Memorial Day weekend. We had a fabulous time, as we always do. We missed it last year because of Barcelona, but we would have missed it anyway because of the pandemic. So it was doubly nice to be able to reengage with this lovely tradition. We hung out with our friends, enjoyed their beautiful home and city, and ate so much yummy food. Honestly, my yoga pants are tight today after the long weekend. But believe me, it is worth it. The kids went for a walk on Sunday with our friends' kids, on their own, in downtown Squirrel Hill. It was so nice to be able to give them this freedom. I really wish we could offer something similar here, but we can't. Our town is not set up for walking, whatsoever. It actually makes me mad when I think about it.  There are places we could walk, distance-wise, like the library. But there is no safe way to do it. Why not? Ugh. Why would anyone choose to have to drive somewhere within walking distance...

I am feeling restless this week, which is not contributing to my peace of mind. I have too little to do for work. Sometimes that's a nice and restful feeling, but when it happens too much I start to feel off kilter and aimless and, unhealthily, worthless. My work schedule is super unbalanced. The fall semester is awful and way too busy while the spring semester tends to be light. On top of that, working from home makes focus difficult. I have a nice work space set up in my bedroom, but there are often people coming and going, or the dog is barking downstairs and needs attention, or I want to be on the sunny deck instead of in my room. I can get stuff done when I need to, but when I don't technically need to ... not much happens. And work wise, that is totally fine. It's not like there's a bunch of stuff I'm neglecting. Obviously, there's always more I could be doing and, according to some, more that I should be doing. But I'm not, at least at the moment. So ...

So, I waited and waited for the armpit discomfort to go away. I wasn't sleeping and couldn't relax. I also was sure I was developing a sinus infection from the allergies. I was not at peace and knew it was not sustainable. Something had to change. Eventually I screwed up the courage to call my gynecologist for a mammogram prescription and got that taken care of. Clear, no issues. I was not surprised by the result, but relieved, obviously. Now, I want you to understand how much I hate medical anything. I hate calling for appointments, I hate the waiting, I hate the paperwork, I hate the exams, I hate the tests, I hate the waiting for results. I hate all of it. So for me to do this was kind of a big deal. Of course, each time I do something like this it gets easier and that's good. So overall it was a positive, but it was stressful and not fun and I didn't enjoy it. But at least I could check one Very Bad Thing off of my list of things to worry about. And eventually the d...

Even after all these weeks (of not posting), I am still doing yoga every day. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I have also started meditating. I've been keeping this journal pretty light and fluffy, but I've decided this is as good a place as any to get more real. It will be therapeutic. The truth is that I've been feeling lousy, both physically and mentally, for many months now. Well, I was. I'm actually a lot better now and the meditating is part of it. Let me go back a bit. I think I have mentioned this, but the fall semester was horrible . I have never felt as physically and emotionally exhausted, as mentally hazy, as stripped bare as I did by the time I submitted my grades and declared myself done with work for 2020. The semester started out alright, but the combination of working and teaching online, "homeschooling" my own kids, and our exceedingly poor decision to get a dog filed me down, day after day, until I was close to gone. Heading into th...