HeatherA Writes Stuff

 Today is the last day of school for both kids. Will is totally done and Ryan's bus will drop him off at around 2:30 and he'll be done. The end of school is always a relief, but this year especially so. It's been hard on all families and I'm sure not many people are sorry to see its end. But I'm also always a little bit sad at the end of the school year, and this year is no different. It will be wonderful not hearing the alarm at 5:45 the next couple of months and it will be sublime not to have to pester anyone about homework or pull off last-minute miracle assists on big projects that I didn't know about before an hour before the deadline. But school is an important element of life for families with kids, and teachers form important relationships with families. I think that's why I edge toward sad at the end of the year. I asked Ryan yesterday if we was even a little, tiny bit sad by school ending and he rolled his eyes back at me bigger than I realized was...

 Today's session on Insight Timer was on the heart chakra. As you know, I've had a difficult relationship with my heart recently. So, today's class felt good. I was easily able to visualize the green light of the heart, plus the yellow of the solar plexus, the orange of the sacral, and the red of the root chakra. It was warming and empowering to honor my heart and all that it does. It probably doesn't hurt that I worked out a lot today too, really put my heart to the test. I have to give it credit; it carried me through like a champ. I hope I sleep well tonight as a result! Ryan got dismissed from school a half hour early today because there was a big accident on 95 this morning that affected traffic through Wilmington all day. The district was concerned that the buses would be late from taking high schoolers home, which would push the middle and elementary school schedules even later. So they had high schools release a half hour early (Ryan's in middle school, but ...

Last week was Ryan's birthday and he is now thirteen. We had a nice birthday celebration, including his requested dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches, Kraft Mac & Cheese, and fruit. I was lucky to find very nice strawberries, raspberries, and even peaches at the store. Delicious peaches are hard to come by this time of year. I was gratified by how happy this all made him. We didn't have a birthday party, in part because of the pandemic, but honestly mostly because we've become horribly out of touch with society. I genuinely don't even know who he would invite for a party. He has friends from many different areas of life, but they are not all friends with each other. The good thing is, he's not much of a party kid anyway. We rented "Cruella" on Disney Plus and watched it together as a family on Saturday in lieu of a party. It was a lot of fun. Full-family tv time is rare for us these days and I appreciated it. The movie itself was fine--perfectly enjoya...

We took our annual trip to Pittsburgh over this past Memorial Day weekend. We had a fabulous time, as we always do. We missed it last year because of Barcelona, but we would have missed it anyway because of the pandemic. So it was doubly nice to be able to reengage with this lovely tradition. We hung out with our friends, enjoyed their beautiful home and city, and ate so much yummy food. Honestly, my yoga pants are tight today after the long weekend. But believe me, it is worth it. The kids went for a walk on Sunday with our friends' kids, on their own, in downtown Squirrel Hill. It was so nice to be able to give them this freedom. I really wish we could offer something similar here, but we can't. Our town is not set up for walking, whatsoever. It actually makes me mad when I think about it.  There are places we could walk, distance-wise, like the library. But there is no safe way to do it. Why not? Ugh. Why would anyone choose to have to drive somewhere within walking distance...

I am feeling restless this week, which is not contributing to my peace of mind. I have too little to do for work. Sometimes that's a nice and restful feeling, but when it happens too much I start to feel off kilter and aimless and, unhealthily, worthless. My work schedule is super unbalanced. The fall semester is awful and way too busy while the spring semester tends to be light. On top of that, working from home makes focus difficult. I have a nice work space set up in my bedroom, but there are often people coming and going, or the dog is barking downstairs and needs attention, or I want to be on the sunny deck instead of in my room. I can get stuff done when I need to, but when I don't technically need to ... not much happens. And work wise, that is totally fine. It's not like there's a bunch of stuff I'm neglecting. Obviously, there's always more I could be doing and, according to some, more that I should be doing. But I'm not, at least at the moment. So ...

So, I waited and waited for the armpit discomfort to go away. I wasn't sleeping and couldn't relax. I also was sure I was developing a sinus infection from the allergies. I was not at peace and knew it was not sustainable. Something had to change. Eventually I screwed up the courage to call my gynecologist for a mammogram prescription and got that taken care of. Clear, no issues. I was not surprised by the result, but relieved, obviously. Now, I want you to understand how much I hate medical anything. I hate calling for appointments, I hate the waiting, I hate the paperwork, I hate the exams, I hate the tests, I hate the waiting for results. I hate all of it. So for me to do this was kind of a big deal. Of course, each time I do something like this it gets easier and that's good. So overall it was a positive, but it was stressful and not fun and I didn't enjoy it. But at least I could check one Very Bad Thing off of my list of things to worry about. And eventually the d...

Even after all these weeks (of not posting), I am still doing yoga every day. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I have also started meditating. I've been keeping this journal pretty light and fluffy, but I've decided this is as good a place as any to get more real. It will be therapeutic. The truth is that I've been feeling lousy, both physically and mentally, for many months now. Well, I was. I'm actually a lot better now and the meditating is part of it. Let me go back a bit. I think I have mentioned this, but the fall semester was horrible . I have never felt as physically and emotionally exhausted, as mentally hazy, as stripped bare as I did by the time I submitted my grades and declared myself done with work for 2020. The semester started out alright, but the combination of working and teaching online, "homeschooling" my own kids, and our exceedingly poor decision to get a dog filed me down, day after day, until I was close to gone. Heading into th...

I haven't done my yoga for today yet, but I will! Instead I am working on a paper that I'm writing for a conference that I probably won't end up attending. (They moved the date later by a month with the hope of meeting in person, but now it falls during the week we have our rental house booked for NH. They may or may not have online options, but even if they do I don't want to commit to it.) I decided to open this tab and start writing because I need to clear my mind. It is Monday morning. I never enjoy starting the work week so I thought I might try to sleep in a bit this morning, but I was thwarted by the kids fighting loudly  in the kitchen over breakfast. I got up to find everyone unpleasantly disposed in various ways except the dog, who had stolen Matt's breakfast amidst the fray and was quite pleased with herself. Thus started the week.  Now the drama is past and everyone is hard at work doing whatever they do all day and all week. Although I spend all day eve...

 Day 32 was nice and quick, an 11-minute "wake-up" routine. It didn't take long but that doesn't mean it was easy. It included some nice stretches and some strength work. It was a nice way to start my work day. We have gotten a lot of snow the last couple of days and it has been hard to find opportunities to go for a walk. We did go out last evening for a short walk, but it wasn't my usual level of exercise. Still, it was beautiful and peaceful, and so quiet. Nobody else was out, although footprints in the snow told me we weren't the only ones to head out. Maybe we'll do the same again this evening. 

 Yes, you read correctly. I am starting now on Adriene's February playlist. Today? Peaceful Warrior. I think I did pretty well with it and I certainly feel better now that I did before it. My allergies have been acting up horribly recently and I'm pretty sure yoga helps. Maybe not so much with the root cause, but at least it distributes gunk around a bit. Pandemic living is rough on the lymph system. Even though I get a reasonable amount of exercise each day (mostly yoga and walks with the dog), I am still confined inside our house for the overwhelming majority of the day. I try to shake things up with work around the house and sitting and working in different locations, but my upper body has been dreadfully stiff for as long as I can remember. I don't think that helps with lymph distribution, at least from what I read. But after yoga I feel lighter and less stiff and just better distributed, if that makes any sense. 

 I did just enough solo yoga to wrench my shoulder! Yup, I should not be allowed unsupervised. I sort of worked it out and was actually sort of enjoying myself, but I chose a bad time to do it and I don't have time at the moment to keep it up. Maybe I will give it another go tomorrow. My right side is super stiff and sore and I'd like to give it a bit of a break and then some stretching. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, I did it! 30 days of "Breath" in 30 days. I admit I'm kind of proud of myself. Thank you to Adriene for not just the inspiration but the labor. She puts a lot into this and millions of us appreciate it. 

I think I have finished all of the guided yoga of the series. In past 30-day programs Adriene has left the last day unguided, which, frankly, I don't love. I get her point, that now we have the tools and language to do our own routines. But I really like hearing her describe the moves and offering tips, modifications, etc. I'll check out the last day but I'm not sure how long I'll hang in there if it's unguided.  I have liked this 30-day series a lot. It has felt a bit easier than the last two I did, but perhaps I am just stronger now, I don't know. Or maybe because this one has been so focused on breath there's been more meditation and less hardcore muscle work involved. In any case, I have enjoyed it and am kind of sad that it is coming to an end. Of course, there's endless yoga available online so I can make my own continuing program and I hope I will. 

 Ha ha! Writing two days in a row! Well, day 24 kicked my butt. I don't know that it was any more difficult than some of the recent days, but today I was absolutely not feeling it. I was sore and stiff and I didn't have all of the downward-facing dogs in me. I started all of them, but wussed out early on at least one. But the important thing is I did my best for what I had today. It's hard to believe there are only a few more days left in this 30-day program. I have to start giving some thought to what I will do when it's over. I definitely want to stick with daily yoga. It's really something to hang on to during these pandemic days. 

 It is Sunday, the end of another week. Day 23 of yoga was called "Dedicate." That is also the name of another of Adriene's 30-day programs that I did last year. Today's session was 30 minutes, but it felt like 10. There was some breathing, stretching, muscling, and balancing. It was a nice way to spend half an hour, for sure. Today has been so very nice. Despite below-freezing weather, we bundled up and took the dog for her first trip to a dog park. I was excited but also very nervous. She is ... a lot. She has a ton of energy and enthusiasm for pretty much everything and I was worried that she would overwhelm the other dogs and we'd have to pull her away. Plus, she is deaf, which means we can't call to her when we want her to change her behavior or when it's time to go. But none of this was a problem. She ran and played and played and ran and drank lots of water. She looked joyful and at ease the whole time. She behaved perfectly nicely. It was both a re...

 Okay, I'm getting worse and worse at holding myself accountable to this yoga journey. However, the yoga is going well. It looks like I have completed three weeks now! I feel myself getting stronger. Even the difficult sessions aren't so hard. For example, today's session was short (~20 minutes), but it included a rapid flow sequence that I usually find fatiguing and have a hard time finishing. It was tiring, for sure, but I kept up and completed it. I know I wouldn't have been capable of that three weeks ago, and it feels great.  Off the mat, we've had some tough days and some great days. Starting with the great--our country has a new president. Finally. This past Wednesday was Inauguration Day and it was also Matt's birthday. A double celebration in our house. I didn't plan to watch the entire inauguration, but I ended up enjoying it and was left feeling quite hopeful. Biden didn't pull any punches in his speech when it came to criticizing recent event...

 It's been another busy couple of days, but I have made through day 13. I really enjoyed today's yoga session. It was some stretching and some strengthening. I worked throughout to "feel" the positions, which was today's theme. It has left me feeling relaxed and refreshed.  I see I haven't posted since day 10 and I honestly don't remember much of the sessions that I didn't post about. But I did them all and got something out of each! I am trying to follow Adrienne's lead to take the peaceful focus, the calm attention off the mat and into everyday life. Covid life isn't easy. School is a constant battle with one of my kids. There are family fights on a near-daily basis. I am suffering from seasonal (dog-related? I really hope not) allergies and am not feeling my best. Work is driving me mad. But I am trying to remember to breathe and feel and appreciate and it genuinely does help. 

Well, it's Monday. I wish I were excited about that, but I am not. On the other hand, it is only 8:30 and I've done my yoga practice and it feels great. Today was about connecting: connecting to breath, connecting to yourself, connecting to something greater than yourself. I liked it because there was some balance work, which always takes up enough of my brain space that I forgot for a moment that I'm working physically.  I guess I'll address once again its being Monday. I think most people don't care for Monday because it's the end of freedom, the return to confinement. It means we have to get up, get the kid(s) up for school, work all day, and only when work is done can we have time to do what we want to do. Of course, by then it's kind of late, people are hungry, and we have to deal with groceries, dinner, etc. This, I hate to say, is my typical experience of work days. But I'm working on it. I'm working on work days. Working from home makes it ea...

I guess I got a little behind on the updates! I have been doing the yoga, but it's been the weekend and with so many other fun things going on I'm afraid I neglected the daily updates. Yesterday, Saturday, was wonderfully sunny, although a bit cold. Of course, it is mid-January, so it makes sense. I went on two long walks. The first, in the morning, was with Matt and the dog to White Clay Creek State Park. We did almost four miles along the creek and then back to the car. It is a beautiful trail with a lot to look at and I enjoyed it. However, my seasonal allergies are acting up and having a stuffy nose while wearing a mask is not comfortable. I had to stop a number of times to blow my disgusting nose and of course I tried to choose times and places where there weren't other people. Amidst the pandemic people are rightfully concerned (and grossed out by) rogue nasal fluids. The second walk was on a paved path, also, it turns out, at White Clay Creek State Park. I met my fri...

 Today was a challenging core workout, but I did alright! I'm not sure what else to say about today. I am considering taking the dog to Ashland to spend some time outside. It is cold but beautifully sunny today. I had some meetings this morning and it was good to fake-be around people. I'd like to make a bit of progress on my paper today too. I will sneak in what I can while the dog is sleeping and Ryan is still in class. He may want to go to Ashland with me. 

Yesterday (day 5), a violent, extremist mob broke into the Capitol as Congress was in the process of certifying the election results. It was a tough day. Today I'm still reeling, even though the election results were eventually certified and it is over. Day 5 of yoga was tough too. A lot of downward-facing dogs. But I made it through. That is all. 

Today has been rough. Things with older son are not great and it hurts and I worry. Unexpectedly, I was able to channel my negative energy toward work. That doesn't usually happen. Because we are newly back to work I have been giving myself permission to ramp back up to full work mode. But today I made more progress than I expected. I guess that's good.  "Breath" day 4 was nice. There was not a single downward-facing dog, which is my worst pose. Well, one of them. My legs are too long and my arms and shoulders are too weak. I am working on the latter, nothing to be done about the former. I felt pretty good after I was done this afternoon. I continue to appreciate having something to sort of look forward to each day. To be honest, it's not the yoga itself that I look forward to, but the experience of having done the yoga. I don't dislike the yoga, not at all, but I wouldn't say I look forward to it. I guess that means I have some growth ahead of me!

 It's the fourth of January, the third day of "Breath," and the first day back to work. Ugh. It was alright. I got some stuff done and survived. I had forgotten how chaotic pandemic work life can be. This morning as I sat down to work at the dining room table, the dog was running circles around the house (did I mention we got a dog?), Ryan was checking in between classes, and Will was doing his asynchronous-school routine of wandering around the house doing whatever he wanted. This made my head spin for a bit but soon things settled down and I was able to complete a course-related task leftover from last semester. After lunch I had a Zoom call with my friend/colleague, which made me feel more settled, both personally and professionally, which was nice. I managed to eke out one more work-related task to complete my day's goal and then took the dog on a walk and did the yoga. Not an interesting day, but I made it through. 

I am on a thirty-day yoga journey. I know, it's surprising. I hate yoga, always have. Yoga is for flexible people whose legs don't take up 85% of their height. Yoga is for skinny people who look good in tight pants. Yoga is not for me. But I discovered this past spring and summer that yoga is for me! When we were in lockdown in Barcelona, stuck in the apartment for weeks, I got stiff and sore. The apartment was lovely but the furniture was garbage and there was nowhere I could sit comfortably for any period of time and relax or read or work. Eventually sciatic pain down my leg drove me to a desperate measure: a yoga video. I had tried yoga in the past and found it difficult and not at all fun. But somehow this time was different. I wasn't good at it, but I was able to do more or less everything in this beginner video. And, shockingly, all of the sciatic pain disappeared after one 20-minute practice. Just one! I felt calm and at peace and sort of accomplished--all of those...